Saying I Love You and Not Hearing It Back When You're Older
- Though you don't want to say "I love you" too quickly to your partner, waiting too long can be an issue, too.
- One of the best ways to gauge if the timing is right is to pay attention to the signs your partner is throwing out.
- Ultimately, only you know when you love someone and expressing it to them should reflect that timing.
One of the scariest things about relationships is expressing how you feel to the other person. Saying "I love you" to the person you're dating can be intimidating — especially if you're not whether the feeling is mutual. So how then, do you know when the right time to express your feelings is?
According to Christine Carpenter, dating and relationship consultant and founder of Evolve Dating , you'll just know.
"If you're questioning it, it's because you don't have enough data. To truly love someone, you have to first know them," she told INSIDER. "In order to know someone, you have to live through some significant stuff together: first major fight, traveling together, introductions to the family and navigating big life stresses and joys. This takes time. Hint: It's probably longer than 6 months but less than 18."
Although every relationship or dating situation can be different, here are a few ways that experts say you'll know it's the right time drop those three big words.
When you suspect it's mutual.
Although your feelings should dictate when you express them, expressing them too soon is always a concern in new relationships. Carpenter suggested that you pay attention to the signs that the other person is putting off to determine whether or not it's mutual before verbally expressing your love for them.
"As you go about the 'getting to know each other' work ... , you will also develop a good sense about whether your love feelings are reciprocated. It's pretty safe to share this sentiment when you suspect it's coming back at you," told INSIDER. " If you're feeling it but don't think the other person is, don't share to see if you can woo them down the "love" path. But maybe use it as an opportunity to check in about the status of the relationship. If this is not a person you feel comfortable having this conversation with, I would be curious about why you feel loving feelings here."
Of course, you can never know if the feelings are mutual unless you ask, but saying it when the feelings are not mutual may place a strain on your relationship.
When you feel like your feelings need to be freed.
Relationship coaches, authors and husband-wife duo Aaron and Jocelyn Freeman said they believe that letting someone know that you love them is dependent upon your own personal preference.
"In a time when people are playing more and more 'games,' it's most respected when people are authentic and just say 'I love you' the moment it's real for you," the couple told INSIDER. "When people start to strategize if it's too soon or too late, it starts to bring an element of inauthenticity into dating. Even if the other partner isn't ready to say it back, it will feel freeing to share your feelings. This will also bring awareness to your partner about where you stand and even encourage them to open up their feelings more than they have been. The best time is now, you never know what tomorrow will bring."
Authenticity always wins.
Saying it too quickly, however, can push your partner away.
Though many will advise you to say those three words when it feels right for you, relationship coach Jonathan Bennett of Double Trust Dating told INSIDER that saying it too early can be detrimental to your relationship.
"Even if you feel like you're in love, just be aware that saying it too quickly can make you come across as needy and creepy if the other person doesn't feel the same or isn't quite ready to proclaim it," he said. "I usually advise my clients to read the signs in the other person to make sure that he or she has similar feelings. If the relationship seems casual or the other person is non-committal, the feelings likely aren't the same. But, if he or she seems deeply committed and devoted, it's a good sign saying ''I love you' will go well. Still, avoid expressing your love to someone you just met or only have been dating a few weeks. Make sure there is some commitment and mutual feelings."
Be sure that the person you're saying "I love you" to is someone that actually has care and adoration for you. Your chances of hearing it back may be higher.
The right time is when you feel so.
According to relationship expert and three time author Barbara J. Peters though, there is no right time to tell someone that you love them.
" There really is NO special time to say '"I love you"' to someone. That may sound odd but here is why," she said. "We can only regret the things or words that we don't say or do. Saying '"I love you'" is one of those special phrases. I know many people end phone calls with '"love you'" or use text messages to say the same. Nothing means more, however, than that face to face eye contact when using those words. My best response to when to say it is when you feel it. Don't let a feeling or emotion wait to be shared. Life is short and what we wait to do may not always happen."
Make the right time your time.
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Saying I Love You and Not Hearing It Back When You're Older
Source: https://www.insider.com/when-to-say-i-love-you-for-the-first-time-to-someone-2018-4
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